Fortunately, I have never tolerated bullying behaviour from anyone, but I have noticed that many people do. It also appears that aggressive behaviour in general is considered an effective and justifiable means to an end, and this I have often found baffling.
Working as an IT technician, I have to deal with businessmen who are usually frustrated and often rather irate. The frustration is understandable. If your laptop has just crashed you might be worried about all the work you could have lost, important emails etc. Strangely enough though, the levels of aggression they exhibit are often not related to the severity of the problem, but more closely tied to the position they hold. Generally, the richer and more successful the businessman, the more verbal abuse they are likely to fling about. Now, I have stated before that I am not very motivated by money so these efforts are largely counter-productive where I am concerned. I refuse to cringe and beg and am unwilling to shout and scream back. So, if a condescending stare is unsuccessful, I usually leave the room or end the call. It was after ending such a call recently that I received a request from my manager to call the client back and apologise. I asked what the apology was for and he replied that it was for putting the phone down as this was a very wealthy client who was responsible for much of the company’s business. Notice that he did not want me to apologise for an actual mistake I had made or any dereliction of duty, but simply for putting the phone down, for being unwilling to subject myself to further verbal abuse. I, of course, refused and pointed out that an apology from my side would only condone and encourage such behaviour in the future. Everyone was shocked…
It was this surprised reaction which has given me a deeper insight into the problem. I always thought that it was the money and power that went to businessmen’s heads that made them overly aggressive, but I think I have found a deeper cause. Businessmen are aggressive because aggression works, people allow themselves to be intimidated and pushed around by those who have more money and so those with more money generally do. It’s like children who throw temper tantrums, if you give them what they want, you are teaching that behaviour through positive reinforcement. Every time you give someone what they want when they are being verbally abusive, you become in a small way responsible for the next person they abuse.
If the only way to succeed is through being nice, then the world will be a much nicer place.
