Pastor James was a man of faith. His belief was simple and pure, childlike and innocent, yet firm and unwavering as a rock. He was, in fact, the most faithful man who had ever, or would ever, live. He knew this simply because God had told him so. He would never have believed it otherwise, because Pastor James was also a humble man.
For the first time in his life, Pastor James felt uncertain. Looking out over the smiling, eager faces of his congregation this Sunday morning tore at his heart. Their faith and trust had been placed in his hands and he was going to disappoint all of them. With a trembling, sweaty hand, he reached under the pulpit for the glass of water he kept there and, spilling some down his front, he drank deeply. As he replaced the near-empty glass he glanced worriedly again at his notes entitled:
LAST NIGHT, GOD SPOKE TO ME. HE TOLD ME HE DOESN’T EXIST
It sounded crazy and, perhaps in an attempt to justify it, his mind reeled back to the events of the previous evening:
He was in his bed, the sound of crickets gently lulling him to sleep, when he heard a quiet voice calling out “James!”
The crickets stopped chirping.
“James!” the voice called again, more insistent this time.
“I’m listening God.” Pastor James didn’t know how he knew it was God’s voice, it just sounded very familiar. Like the voice of an old friend, one you have not heard from in many years but instantly recognise when you answer the phone.
“Good. Come outside. There is much to discuss.”
Obediently Pastor James got out of bed, donned his gown and slippers, clambered down the creaking staircase and went out the back door to the cemetery. There, sitting on a tombstone, wearing a white robe and leather sandals was God. He had a long white beard and a warm, friendly smile.
“James, you are my most faithful servant. I am well pleased with thee.”
“I live only to serve you my Lord.” Pastor James said simply.
“I know.” God said, “In fact, you are the most faithful man there ever was or will ever be. It is for this reason that I am here tonight. I have a task for you. A task that only you can perform.”
Pastor James did not know how to reply, so he waited.
“James, I want you to renounce your faith in Me and to start preaching atheism.”
“What!” James exclaimed, forgetting himself and shouting in shock, “I cannot!”
“Will you, My most faithful servant, disobey Me?” God was angry now, His voice like thunder.
“N-No, of course not my Lord.” stuttered James, quickly lowering his voice. “I beg Your forgiveness. I was just surprised. May I ask why You want me to do this?”
God’s anger was like a quickly passing storm, now He just seemed tired.
“Of course, My son.” He sighed. “I’m just so weary of it all. You need to learn to stand on your own feet. Humanity will be better off without Me.”
“You would abandon us? Don’t You love us any more? What have we done to incur Your disfavour?”
“No, no. You don’t understand. It’s because I love you too much! I just can’t stand the pain any more.” God sat there, His shoulders slumped. He looked like He was bearing the suffering of all the world. James watched Him in confused silence. He did not understand, but he had faith that, if he waited patiently, God’s words would enlighten him.
“I will try to explain. You believe that I am omniscient, omnipotent and all loving. Because you and most other monotheists believe this, it is true. Ultimate power and complete knowledge on their own are not so bad, but when you add limitless love the result is ultimate accountability. You cannot even begin to imagine how much guilt I feel.”
“I still don’t understand. Your love saved us when You died on the cross and rose again. You conquered death and freed us from sin!” James fell back on the most fundamental precepts of his faith.
“Ah yes, two thousand years ago I became mortal and walked among you, but it didn’t turn out quite as I had hoped. I became mortal so that those desert people would stop believing in Me. They’d split up into two different tribes, you see, and even though they both still worshiped Me subtle differences had crept into their doctrines which resulted in terrible wars raged in My name. Do you know how much it hurts when someone is killed in My name? I thought that if I appeared as a man they would lose faith in Me and My power would diminish, but it was no use! They kept believing in Me and they constantly asked Me to do miracles. Their faith in Me grew and with it My power. Very soon I had disciples and thousands of followers, their number’s growing daily. I conceived of a plan to convince the Romans that I was attempting to overthrow their government and they duly arrested and crucified Me. For three wonderful days I was blissfully unaware of all the problems and suffering of this world. I had thought that My public humiliation and death would finally bring an end to it, but My followers remained faithful. They prayed and fasted and on the third day I was ripped back into your reality. After that there was no hope. My followers spread all over world, the message of My resurrection and their faith spreading with them.”
Pastor James was badly shaken. “But You are all powerful, surely You can stop the suffering?”
“They need to ask first, and they also need to have faith. I exist in a parallel dimension of pure thought. You live in a physical universe of cause and effect, but faith bridges our two planes of existence, drawing them closer together. Where there is no faith I do not exist, and those that do not believe in Me I cannot see. You are the only one who has ever had enough faith to both see and hear me as you do now. You have faith that could move mountains, but you have never asked for anything for yourself. You are so humble.” God seemed actually awed by James’ humility.
“Then I will pray for an end to the suffering!” James responded eagerly.
“You have prayed for little else all your life, I have been listening after all.” God smiled patiently. “It is not your faith that is lacking, but the faith of those whom you pray for. I am here tonight to answer those prayers, after a fashion. There is an opposite power. One that delights in causing Me suffering through hurting My children. Your belief in Me increases both My power and its, but its power is not similarly restricted by love. I assure you that the only way to stop the suffering is to renounce your belief in Me and preach atheism.”
“Why me? Surely there is some other better suited, an atheist like that Dawkins fellow perhaps?” James was desperate now, looking for a way out.
“I cannot speak to Richard Dawkins. I perceive him merely as a black spot about a mile wide and I’m sure My opposite can see even less of him. In any case he is a man of science and reason and would not be able to deny anything he saw with his own eyes. That is why I need you. You have great faith and will believe anything I tell you to. You will also be able to make others believe, and their belief will make it true.”
James was silent for a long time. Slowly, painstakingly, he reconstructed his shattered beliefs. He realised that in a way his God was, once again, sacrificing Himself for the greater good. He was awed by God’s love. It all made sense to him now, his God was not restricted by human logic. He could very well, out of love, command his people to deny His own existence.
“Ha-ha! It’s working!” God exclaimed. “You’re fading away. I can hardly see you.”
James was astounded to see that God was fading to. He was nearly transparent. James could see grass and the tombstones behind Him.
“Keep at it boy, you’re doing great!” God encouraged him.
James concentrated. He kept telling himself, “God told me He doesn’t exist… God told me He doesn’t exist…” over and over again.
“I love you James! Thank you. I am well pleased with thee…” God whispered as He faded away at last.
James just stood there for a long time, tears streaming down his face. Finally the chill wind made him shiver and, wrapping his gown tighter for warmth, he turned to go inside. A flicker of shadow, seen out of the corner of his eye, caught his attention. Turning back, he saw that a few feet away the air was swirling. A horned, red devil stepped out of the darkness. He was wearing a long black robe and he also had leather sandals. It was probably the sandals that did it. James lost his temper.
“If I’m not allowed to believe in my beloved God, there’s no way in hell I’m going to believe in you!” he shouted, and raising his hand, palm trust outward, he yelled, “Begone!”
The surprised devil was thrown backwards into the swirling vortex, instantly disappearing with an almost inaudible pop.
“Well, that takes care of that!” James said, brushing his hands together, and made his way back to bed.
In a loud clear voice Pastor James read from his notes, “LAST NIGHT, GOD SPOKE TO ME. HE TOLD ME HE DOESN’T EXIST… At least that is what he wants us to believe.”
James stared out over the puzzled looking faces of his congregation, but he was not disheartened for he knew that with faith, anything is possible.
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